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So You Think Your Marriage Is Complicated


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by: andrewbeene
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Word Count: 490
Date: Wed, 26 May 2010 Time: 5:26 PM

I was just chilling and doing weird stuff with my nose on my new laminate wood floor when all of a sudden, a two kilogram raw meat with a torque of 19 newton meter hit my face like a boomerang. I figured I’d yell a “Hey!” but after seeing those wicked eyebrows met, an invisible force ceased my ability to process words.

Apparently, Mrs. Queen of the household had some issues with her Mr. good-looking. I forcibly let my voice out in the subtlest way possible. With a good sense of infallible humor, I already told my wife that the dishes were done, already fixed the ceiling, chose designs among laminate floors in Florida, and put the kids to sleep.

She told me all of those were great but there’s something I forgot. I was clueless as always so I showed her the flooring designs she picked out among flooring Fort Lauderdale, Florida company, flooring West Palm Beach, Florida company, and a company offering flooring in Miami, Florida. Still, I could sense the dark side of her persona that emanates the fires of hell.

So I gathered all my strength to ask her a simple question, “what’s wrong dear?” She bit my arm like a hungry alpha male lion inflicting pain. I knew I should’ve not asked that question. Well, I guess there is no way to get an issue out of a woman’s brain without asking politely. We, men, should always know how to read their minds even if it means experiencing first hand terrorism.

So what was the problem? It was our monthsary. You believe in this stuff? We do. Ever since I asked her to be my girlfriend 10 years ago, we always celebrate the 14th of month. It’s that college stuff that made us celebrate when the date touches the same day when we said yes to each other. If you think anniversaries require effort, time, money, and surprises, think again. Imagine doing that every month on the same day.

Well, I humbly asked for forgiveness. I told her I was busy attending to her requests and giving her a clean, decent, and a serene home just before she enter her kingdom. Luckily, she gave in to this alibi of mine that I only used seven times in 10 years.

I’m more than lucky that I caught a staff of mine bringing rum at the office. It is prohibited to drink inside my office unless you scheduled it with me two weeks before. The confiscated rum went straight inside my SUV and off to the cellar.

I served my empress with the rum and told her I bought it the day before. Adding that alibi made my sins forgivable. I shall never forget the fourteenth of the month ever again. I think I said that two months ago. Wish me luck.






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